Who let the dog out? Me, of course.

The only thing I can do when the dog is nipping at my ear at 4:13 in the morning, needing to go outside and pee because she can’t hold it for one minute longer — even if I bribed her with three doggy treats or a slice of last night’s roasted chicken thighs just to give me 30 more minutes. C’mon dog, just 30 — the only thing to do is get out of bed and let her out.

Forty-seven seconds later, she com…